Social Etiquette or Social Deception?

Raising my boys is a lot of fun. It's also a challenge for someone who does not believe in even "white lies." I thought of three instances of this challenge when talking to my wife today. Observe the following scenarios:

1. You're over at a friends house with your children and they serve your child liver
2. Your son is having a Birthday party and wants to invite everyone in his class with a couple exceptions.
3. If someone gives your son a gift he already has or doesn't care for, what should he say?

I don't know if there's a way around it, but all of these put us in a position to at least withhold information and at most deceive someone.

• For the first one, we tell them to leave it on the plate and eat the things you like, but NEVER tell them you don't like it. When they are older we will probably tell him to eat it anyhow.
  
• For the second one we say, invite them anyhow. Even though we don't like them, we don't want to hurt their feelings. Anyone who has made out a list for a wedding knows that this is extremely important!
• On the last one, you usually feign pleasure in the gift and while wondering where you can return the gift in hopes of getting a store credit. OK, that last part is more me than one of my son's, but you get the drift. We tell our sons to thank them nicely.

Interesting isn't it. Our society has a hold on us in ways we just deem completely acceptable despite it being borderline deceptive.

Things I have learned...so far

I have just completed my year at age 40. (This is different than completing your 40th year. You do that at age 39). It was the hardest, depressing and yet rewarding years I have traveled to date. The twelve months included a farewell to thinking I was still physically young and a hello to mortality. I think the latter of those two was the harder part. (It was also the most rewarding part as well, but that's probably too deep and too long of a post for now). I've discussed this with one of my friends at work and we agree that people usually go through a period of self evaluation during their decade ages. (In other words we look back at age 20, 30, 40…). This is probably a good thing. Perhaps we should do it more often. So anyhow, I figured at age 40 I could impart some of the things I have learned so far and hopefully others will be better off for it.

• I'm not nearly as good of a father as I thought I was. I've learned over the past year that things that I thought my kids really liked, well….they didn't. Just because your dad was vacant in my life doesn't mean I should hover in theirs. Don't get me wrong, they still love me, and they honor me well, especially on my birthday when I usually request and receive toys. :-)
  

• Condominiums and Townhouses make more sense than ever! Let's just say I have a lot of bushes, and fairly large yard and Charlotte, NC gets pretty warm when grass and bushes grow.

• It's not growing back. Despite hopes that it was a phase and I could somehow defy genetics, I believe I am losing the follicular battle. I will be wearing my hair short from here out whether I like it or not. The idea of wearing someone or something else's hair on my head or spreading chemicals on my scalp in hopes of some few additional sprouts is out of the question. The up side is that I no longer have to worry about having a comb either. :-)

• I'm never going to have a washboard stomach. For the longest time, I thought with a little work and a healthy diet, I too, could have that "six-pack."Well thanks to Peyton Manning I now know this just isn't likely.A bit depressing, but I sure did enjoy that Brownie a la mode last night.

• It's important to stretch…before everything! Young boys are known to pull the "Tom Cruise/Risky Business" slide across the floor while wearing socks. (NOTE: Cruise did this in just his underwear, but anyone who has seen the movie would know that he also lacked discretion in other things as well. Pants are recommended). Anyhow, if an older gentleman were to say, gather speed while going down a flight of steps with a hardwood floor landing and then lunge forward on the last step with his right leg extended to pull off the Cruise slide, he could perhaps pull a calf muscle. Now, I'm not certain about this, but this is what I heard. I also heard that the same muscle will stiffen up and ache every morning this person climbs out of bed as if to laugh at the increasing fragility that his 40 year old body has. But again, this is only what I've heard. Come to think of it, I don't know why any 40 year old would even think of trying to pull off a stunt like this.

Okay, that's enough for now. Lunch is over and I have to limp across campus.

The ideal morning

This is something I've really come to relish. Of course, any High School and College friends who had to wake me up at lunchtime to go do something won't believe me, but this is what I've become in my old age. I love my mornings! Especially if they look like this:

I wake up somewhere between 5 and 5:30 AM when the house is cold and completely silent (since the only snorer is now awake). This is without an alarm clock, which is one of the reasons I like it so much. It's just me wanting to start my day. It was never like that as a kid. Twelve hours of sleep, from past midnight until that time the next day was my ideal morning. (Boy I wasted a lot of time!). Anyhow, the house is cold enough that I need to put on sweats and a hoodie.

Then I go downstairs and brew some quality coffee. Sorry, Folgers and Maxwell House, this isn't or you. You can blame Gevalia for making me a coffee snob, but it's part of my morning package to have good coffee.

After the coffee is made, it's just me, the mug, and God. Spending some time in prayer and in scripture is something I think I honestly haven't enjoyed in the past nearly as much as I have the last few months. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it for as long as I've done it, but lately, there is an additional richness to this time, and it doesn't have to do with the coffee. After this, I usually continue in the quiet with another Christian book, (which is usually linked on the left side of this blog). It's a great start to the day.

After waking up the family, if I have a few minutes, I will read something else a little lighter. but then it's time to roll. I guess you may wonder why i'm sharing this. Well, I guess age has mellowed me enough to share the simple pleasures that I refused to enjoy when I was younger. And lately I'm enjoying it so much it just seemdd wrong to keep it to myself. If you haven't tried spending this time alone with God, I highly recommended it!

Another thought regarding public preaching

It occurred to me this morning, that my opinion stated below sounds more like a broad stroke than what it actually is. My wife and I both took part in Open Air Preaching while in Birmingham and Bradford, England. My wife even got to see some make decisions for Christ through this method (and the follow-up conversations that occurred afterwards). I have no problem with public preaching, and I'm sure some campus preachers can bring people to a point of decision as well. I believe the general distinction is that if these occurrences are done by speaking the Truth lovingly and truly loving those who are listening, then not only is there a better opportunity for the listener to understand and accept God's love for them personally, but people may realize the joy and peace that is evident in the one sharing the Gospel. I suspect that preachers who continue to harp on the negative consequences of someone who has yet to make the decision are less likely to show the love and grace that God so freely gives to us.

There. Hopefully that clarifies what was written previously.

Signs of Spring at UNC Charlotte

Please answer the following questions:

A: American Robin

B:Brother Micah

1) Which of the above sightings is the best indication that Spring is in the Air at UNC Charlotte?

2) Which of the above is the best indication of God's creation as well as his provision and love for mankind?

Key: 1-B, 2-A (Ironic isn't it?)

Just yesterday morning, I mentioned to my student worker that with the weather turning nicer, it was about time for the campus preachers to hit the university. Sure enough, one was out at the Belk Tower (our free speech zone) "hollerin'" at the students later that day. Not only do these preachers use R-rated name calling to try to arouse the ire of college students, but they seem to show absolutely no love for the ones they accuse. They are a source of entertainment for the students who only seem to laugh along while they spout "half-truths" about what the Bible says. When I hear them, I find it amusing and sad all at the same time. Except for one, they all seem to be in it for the show. They love the negative attention.

Now the one I like, he's a different story. He will go into the zone and essentially recite scripture. And the verses he recites are not all doom and gloom. He doesn't engage in dialog/arguments while up on the area around the tower, he just declares scripture. Not the technique I would choose, but I commend him for how he does it. When he is taking a break from his recitation, you will see him standing close to one person and sharing with them, or talking to them quietly. He seems to show the students a genuine respect and compassion. His motives seem true.

Now the American Robin, well, the real sign of spring for many of us can also remind us of the many wonderful creatures God created. And not only that, consider the following verse:

"Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!"
-Luke 12:24 (You can read the whole chapter for complete context)

Perhaps this is a good verse for those preaching at the tower to begin their dialog.

Fun Run!!

This past week, my son's school, Back Creek Christian Academy, held a fund raiser to help with school supplies, projects, etc. Most of the school day is held in modular buildings behind the church and eventually they hope to raise funds to have a permanent building. Despite the modular walls, Tina and I love this school. We see discipline, fun, education and God's word all within the given school day and my oldest son is maturing and learning well in part because of their devoted teachers and staff.

This past week, the school held a "Fun Run" where the kids were sponsored per lap (or lump sum) on a small "racetrack." They had about 30 minutes to run up to 40 laps. I was privileged enough to come and cheer on the kids and got to snap a few pictures as well. My son was able to complete 38 laps in that time. I was pretty impressed. The group that came in to organize the fun run was a top notch organization with mostly young adults doing the work. They were encouraging to the kids, respectful to the parents and even helped out around the school during the day. The group was called Boosterthon and my wife and I were both very impressed with their organization.

Pair o' Dime Props: Jennie Lee Riddle

Who? You ask. Well, I barely know who this person is myself, but about a month or so ago, we sang a song at my church that I thought was absolutely wonderful. Often songs sung in church appear to be focusing on God when in fact we're focusing on what he has done for us. Lately I have been led to earnestly try to remove all focus from myself and my concerns and and try to worship completely and unconditionally our Creator. This is easier said than done. Often our thoughts obstruct the view of Who we are worshiping. Well, the props go to Jennie Lee Riddle who wrote "Revelation Song" which to me is one of the most truly worshipful contemporary praise songs out there. She was obviously inspired when we wrote this and I know there are many who absolutely love singing and hearing this song. Of course, if she could respond to the "Props" she would probably redirect the compliment to God too. (Isn't that cool?)

Below you will find a YouTube version of her song sung by Kari Jobe, (who does a great job with it), and the lyrics which to me are so powerful.



Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Be Still!!!

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. "
-Blaise Pascal

"Stay Still"
"Be STILL!"
"Junior!!!! Why can't you just be still!?!!?"
-Parents throughout the world, throughout time

"Be still, and know that I am God"
-Psalm 46:10a

Today was "Youth Sunday" at church. At Church at Charlotte, this means that one of our youth pastors provides the sermon and there is a testimony from one of the teenagers. They also take care of other activities that are usually taken care of by adults. Today I was truly blessed by the younger folks. Prior to the sermon, while listening to one of the high school students talking about when he accepted Christ, it occurred to me that there is a great richness during the spiritual growth of Christians from age 15 - 25. I became a Christian in 1986 while in my first year at Ohio State. Soon after when I really began actively pursuing God I found myself with multiple opportunities to unite with others my age in prayer, fellowship, worship and service. There always seemed to be Bible studies or other types of gatherings to encourage this. During this time, all cares of the day seem to easily fade away as we turned our focus towards God. The young man with his testimony this morning reminded me of this. He spoke of a retreat, and prayer time, and when he accepted Christ. It was all really good.

Since college things have changed. I married and we have been blessed with two awesome boys. We've had the opportunity to go to graduate school and live in four different states. Life has been good. But here's the irony: Life gets in the way. With moves, worldly pursuits, time and age come busyness and stress from work, home and family. So the irony is this. I sometimes sit in church, already thinking about an email I need to send tomorrow or something I need to do around the house. Of course I'm sitting quietly, and nobody has a clue that I'm struggling to pay attention. I think I know why they don't notice though. I'm convinced many of them might be composing their own emails in their heads, or thinking about that tuition bill that's due or how they need to clean up the garage when they get back from church. It lingers into our head and we obsess. It's ironic how we have "progressed." In college I could go to a fellowship meeting the night before a big exam or spend an hour in prayer at lunchtime with some friends the day of the exam and have the test completely blocked out - thinking only about my relationship with God. So we often look at youth and sometimes discount them or patronize them, and yet, I have to admire their ability to focus and focus well on what matters most. Adults are pretty good at sitting still, but are they really still? No, this is something we, as adults can try to emulate. The teens can be our model.

Now THAT was a Football Game!!!

For the past few years the Super Bowl has frankly bored me. All the hoopla surrounding the game distracts from regular old football. Halftimes are meant for marching bands, not old rock and rollers and wardrobe malfunctions. Commercials are funny but often inappropriate. This year was different. Partially from the fact that I now have a DVR and therefore can choose to fast forward or pause through the distracting stuff. At Halftime I put the kids to bed and paused the "show" part of the game. After cleaning the kitchen, I "unpaused" the game and fast forwarded to the start of the third quarter. I even had a buffer so I could fast forward through more commercials. The game was lower scoring and not particularly clean which I actually liked. But best of all, The Giants won! Am I a Giant fan? No. But everyone loves the underdog. The Giants, playing the role of David, beat the Patriots, playing the role of the Giant! (Now that's confusing). What an exciting finish too! The Patriots finish the season 18-1. But boy is that a big 1! (The '72 Dolphins are probably pretty happy right now). And Patriot's coach, Bill Belichick, remained true to his "sportsmanship" by running into the locker room before the game was over. He consistently either refuses to shake hands with other coaches or is sour when he does. I like coaches with integrity and class. Of course I have some friends from New England who are probably not very happy today, and so I sort of feel for them. But they have had their share of success lately, so I think they'll recover. And congratulations to the Giants and their fans. I know a few folks back in Northern New Jersey who are very happy this morning.

Pair o' Dime Props: My Wife

I do my best to not brag on my kids. But my wife, well that's a different matter. Tina claims to have done a wood refinishing job once before, but I'm not counting that one. A couple of weeks ago she brought home what I would have considered kindling. She excitedly asked, "Did you see what was in the garage!?" I said "yeah" with all the skepticism a supportive husband should NOT have. She went out to show me again and started explaining how the legs were very similar in style to an end table we had just picked up and that her intent was to sand and paint the legs and stain the top so that the two tables would match. I told her I trusted her, but was struggling with the vision.

Well, after buying some power tools, (which I mentioned in a previous post), and suffering a couple setbacks in the project, (all projects seem to have their fair share of setbacks), she has completed her first real refinishing job, and all I can say is My Wife Rocks!

A Dispensing Fee?

This is a bit annoying. One medication that our local pharmacy had been filling was costing us our typical $10 copay. We had had this refilled there once or twice when, we happened upon the fact that the prescription, when not run through our insurance plan would cost us about $4 at a number of other pharmacies! Now, I don't want to nitpick, but this is a problem. How can our pharmacy, a national chain, charge us double for meds by submitting it to our insurance company? Naturally, I was curious so I asked the pharmacist tonight when I was getting a more expensive prescription filled there. He explained to me that there is a $10.99 dispensing fee! I thought that's what a pharmacist does. He's a salaried employee and I don't suspect he sees a dime for all of his dispensing efforts. So no matter how little the prescription costs, we would be charged a minimum of $10. It's ridiculous, and the pharmacist thought so too. So now we have moved the prescriptions elsewhere and will consider taking some other meds to the new pharmacy as well. I won't reveal the pharmacy, but you Could Venture to Surmise which chain it is.

What kind of parent am I?

So this week, my oldest son has "Spirit Week" at his school. Monday was Martin Luther King Day so there wasn't school, but each day after has a theme:

• Tuesday was "Geek Day." Considering I'm in I.T. you'd think we'd have something for him to wear in order to come across as a geek. Well, first we forgo, But even if we did remember, the only thing I could think of doing would be for him to somehow emulate me, but considering this is the same person who may someday pick out my nursing home, that just wouldn't be right.
• Today is Superhero day. Well, my son may know who Superman or Spider-Man is, but that's it. He has never seen either show or movie. We were stuck, but my wife thought up a quick cowboy outfit. I think we're going for the Lone Ranger, but frankly, I haven't seen a Lone Ranger show or movie myself, so I'm doubting any8 year-old would know much about them either.
• Tomorrow is pajama day. We dress our son in sweat pants and a t-shirt for bed. We really don't have acceptable pajamas.
• Friday is the pep rally and the kids should be in school colors. OK! This we can do! We have a "spirit" t-shirt and a pair of jeans laying around.

The pressure to conform is great! I figure if we get him to school and be sure his homework is done, we're on the right track. But NOOOO! You have to have Spirit Week! So, if you thought us not doing Santa Claus is bad, as well as my desire to tone down Christmas, I can only imagine what you might think of me now. But really, I love kids. They're wonderful. I just don't want them to have any fun. ;-)

Weekend Purchases

So this past weekend we went out and found a few bargains. My wife found on Craig's List, a four in one cordless tool set which she bought for some of her household projects. On Sunday, she needed one more power tool, so we went out and got another bargain at the Black and Decker outlet. While we were there, I also found some nice fleece gloves that match my coat.

So to recap the weekend: My wife bought five power tools and I bought a nice pair of gloves and made us a nice dinner on Saturday evening. I don't know whether to consider myself one of the luckiest husbands in the world or question my own masculinity. :-)

Attention: cooks and critics!

When the weather is cold and I have the time, I love to find a recipe online and cook. If you find a recipe online and want to do it, that's great. If it's online and has some really good reviews, then you're off to a good start. I have frequently tried a recipe, and liked it. I go back to the reviews which I normally read before I even started it, and usually add my own comment and rating to the recipe. Most of the reviews you read are good. Why would you try the recipe if it didn't have majority of good marks? However some comments are quite interesting:

Example 1:(2 stars) "I tried this recipe and was quite disappointed and it should probably be removed from this website. It came out dry and I'm not quite sure I even liked the flavor. I substituted powdered sugar for the baking powder and since I was out of cocoa, I used allspice. The cake came out dense, dry and I couldn't even taste the chocolate! I do not recommend this recipe!!!"

What do we learn?
Do not rate any recipe where you have adjusted the recipe significantly. This example is an exaggeration, but there are plenty of actual reviews that look like this. Long lists of recipe adjustments and then a bad rating. These people do not get that if you want to rate someone else's recipe, then you need to follow it. My wife and I have completely different takes on how to cook. I baseline every recipe I do. The first time with a recipe, you follow it to a tee!!! Well, at least I do. My wife doesn't but it's good anyhow, and she doesn't write reviews of recipes online.

Example 2:(1 Star) "This recipe was horrible. I have been making meatloaf for years now and when I tried this it was a waste of time. The loaf fell apart and the texture was extremely mushy. I would not recommend this recipe to anyone. My recipe is ten times better than this one."

What do we learn?
You see this comment more often than you'd expect. If you have an excellent recipe, then why are you trying another one? You should be posting yours. I suppose there are some other folks who think of their kitchen as a "test kitchen," but I suspect this isn't the case for most folks. This also brings me to one of the more amusing things about cooking: have you ever noticed how many people think they're good cooks? I think this number is probably inflated (mostly by ego). If you don't believe me, look at example 3.

Example 3:(2 stars)"This casserole was not very good. I followed the recipe exactly how it's written and my spouse, three kids and I did not like it. It was quite disappointing."

What do we learn?
This one is pretty simple. If you see 150 reviews averaging four and a half stars, and no one in your family likes it, well do the math. Since the ratings are high, the problem is not likely the recipe. To use the humorous IT analysis, the problem lies somewhere between the recipe and the diner's taste buds.

I guess by now you're wondering why I'm blogging this, and I'm not sure I have a good answer. Mostly to share the amusement I get from reading the reviews. Whenever I do this, I find it quite funny, and like with any review/opinion, you learn more about those who opine than the topic they are discussing. Similar to what you're probably doing to me about now. (You can write your own comments below and I will be sure to draw conclusions about you too). :-)

Pair o' Dime Props: Snow Days!!

I work on a college campus, which for many appears to be a utopia. It's not. But it's still really great. It's nice walking across campus for meetings, and having doors and windows near my desk. I'm a state employee too (read: pretty good job security), so that's a plus. And I definitely can't complain about the 7 figure salary.*

In Charlotte, North Carolina we get a plethora of blue sky days, and wonderful springs and falls. But also when it snows 2 inches, I don't have to go to work! The university was closed today. Now for us "Yankees" it's hard to understand this, but we'll take it! It's like being a kid again. We got up and ran outside. My wife built a snowman with the boys (although they got cold and ran in and she had to put on the finishing touches herself), and I made pancakes and hot chocolate. The boys loved the snow and we all enjoyed the time together. Sadly, my oldest son's school was smart enough to realize that two inches would not bring the sky crashing down on all of us and he only got a two hour delay. A good call for them, but the self-imposed guilt we had because we got to stay home wasn't welcome. Oh well, I'm sure he'll be smarter because of it. Honestly though, anyone who grew up in the deep south and didn't have the anticipation and joy of school being canceled in the middle of a hard winter do not know what they are missing. Thankfully we're not in the deep south, so we get to live vicariously through our kids.

*Yeah, you read that right. Seven figures, baby! And that includes a decimal point too! Eat your heart out! :-)