Other person: "Rus, the other day, when you turned around, I noticed that your left shoulder dipped in a real quirky way. It really annoyed me."
Me: "I'm sorry, I did not intend for that to annoy you. Will you forgive me?"
Yeah, that's me. And I'm not even sure I'm exaggerating in this example. Many would say I'm a pushover. And if they tell me I am, I'm likely to apologize about it. Just ask my siblings. They told me when I was young that I used to apologize for apologizing too much. My first homecoming date told me to stop apologizing during dinner. I eventually got my "sorrys" under control, and then she told me I was allowed to apologize when I dropped my sour cream-covered knife on her dress. There was just no winning in this case.
All of this to say that I think an apology for a legitimate wrong, when delivered correctly, will say more about the recipient than the giver. Such was the case today. The person I needed to acknowledge my mistake to had essentially two options: High Road or Low Road. Now in this case, he head-faked the high one and then went low. It's fascinating really. Exhausting, annoying, humiliating and enraging too. But when someone acknowledges a fault. The relationship is strengthened by a gracious acceptance of the apology. Or the relationship begins (or continues) it's trip south by some sort of patronizing, arrogant, superior response to ensure that the giver is raked over the coals.
Oh well. I apologized and meant it. His reactions I can't control. My perceptions of him, I can.
3 comments:
I sympathize. I've been known to apologize to inanimate objects when I bump into them.
People who respond like that to apologies make me not want to apologize ever again to them, even when I should, but I suppose that would just be taking the low road too and as they say two wrongs don't make a right..
Yeah, I've already decided not to put myself in the position to have to apologize to this person again. There's also great irony on this as well. I was apologizing for something pretty small, really, and he had plenty he could have offered up as far as failings in the situation, but like I said, my perceptions of him were, well, confirmed.
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