If I didn't have my hands full arleady...

My son, (name redacted), roughly used the following logic at dinner last night.

Christmas is Jesus' birthday, and we should ask Jesus into our hearts. And because of this, we should get lots of presents for Christmas, because if Jesus is in our hearts, he can play with our presents too!

MED 0050: Remedial Surgery

Short Description:
This course is a requirement for all new med students who

• make wrong turns after given simple instructions
• suffer from vertigo
• walk up down escalators
• unknowingly wear shirts of the opposite gender
• like to write backwards and then read it in a mirror
• or who's elevator just doesn't get to the top floor, if you know what I mean.
  

To sharpen anatomical and directional skills, this entertaining and informative class will use activities such as:

• Instructor-led exercises such as leg lifts, toe touches, or any other exercise that clearly identifies obvious body parts.
  
• Instructor-led songs such as "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes," and "I have eyes that can see, see, see"
• More advanced activities will be introduced later in the term and may include marching in time and in step and doing the Hokey-Pokey.*

Final exam will include the student extending both index fingers and with verbal instructions are able to successfully point which way is up and which was is down. Student will then be asked to extend thumbs as well and identify for the instructor which hand makes and "L" and verify that this is in fact their left hand.

*Those suffering from vertigo will be exempt from the "turn yourself around" bit.

I stumbled upon this story yesterday. I wonder if they Offer MED 0050 at Brown?
Imagine what things would be like with Government Run Healthcare!

NFL Quarterback Success

I'm beginning to believe in the NFL, a quarterbacks success is indirectly proportional to their hair length. This isn't hard and fast of course, but J.P. Losman is starting to look better this year, and coincidentally, (or not), he is wearing his hair shorter. McNabb was good before he let the fro go.
Compare the haircuts of Peyton and Eli. Eli’s hair is not long, but imagine if he got it cut as short as Peyton, how much better the Giants might be! The same can be said for unorthodox head gear. A quarterback who wears his hat backwards, is never going to be as good as one who wears it correctly. Doug Flutie always played better than Rob Johnson, who seems to love to wear his cap backwards. Perhaps if the Bills would have realized this, the controversy would have been resolved much earlier.

Of course this new found truth is perpetuated by the years in which a good quarterback plays as the helmet often causes baldness...or is it that early baldness increases the skills of the quarterback?

Plumbing Issue

On Monday night I accidentally dropped an Allegra down the drain of my bathroom sink. At first I worried about it clogging the pipes, but then realized that with it being prescription strength and all, it should actually help keep the pipes unclogged. The pill causes drowsiness so I chased the pill by pouring a cup of coffee down the drain too.

Parental Issue Resolved (?)

For those of you who were concerned, I came home from work yesterday to find my son humming the tune from “Across the Field.” It seems as if we have resolved another issue in our parenting. Hats off to my wife who must have been singing it to him all afternoon.

Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
-Proverbs 22:6

Cultural Influences on our Children

My wife and I are from Ohio. After six plus years in New Jersey we came to Charlotte two and a half years ago. So at dinner the other night, my oldest son was remarking that the rest of us had baked potatoes but he had fries: "Hey, I'm eating something different than all y'all."
I don't know where exactly he got that phraseology, but I know it wasn't from those eating the baked potatoes.

More Rules Regarding Holiday Music

OK, strong suggestions really...but let's pretend they are rules and not just my close-minded opinions.

• Christian stations choosing to play Christmas music should not play anything that refers to Santa Claus, Saint Nick, or Father Christmas.
  
• Medleys of more than two songs should never be played. Leroy Anderson's A Christmas Festival is the only known exception to this rule. Two songs put together is acceptable. Examples of acceptable two song medleys are Bing Crosby/David Bowie Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth (which really isn't a medley, but more of two songs playing on top of one another. What's that called? I should know) and Amy Grant singing Immanuel/O Little Town of Bethlehem (Which actually isn't a medley either, but more like two songs put together).
  
• A Karen Carpenter song should be followed by a six and one half hour respite. It is strongly encouraged that she not be played during drive time traffic.
  
• The Harry Simeone Chorale version of Little Drummer Boy can be played twice a day.
  
• Sleigh Ride should not have lyrics.
  
• Radio stations should challenge their listeners with tunes such as Bring a Torch, Coventry Carol, Fum Fum Fum, and other lesser known tunes of the season. (They could even throw in the "4/4 version" of Away in the Manger)
  

Okay, there they are. Feel free to comment on these or add your own in the comment section.

Rules for the Holiday Season

I know people don't like rules because they're so restrictive, negative, etc. But here are some that I'd like to see created/enforced:

All radio stations must refrain from playing Christmas music until at least the completion of the first football game on Thanksgiving day. There are now at least two stations in my area playing Christmas music. It's November 16th!!!! One of them is also the only Contemporary Christian station I can get in my car. What this means is that for the next 6 weeks, if I feel like singing in my car, (because I'm following another rule that should be enforced about certain people singing within earshot of others), I will not be able to sing/hear certain favorite tunes for 6+ weeks.

Once committed to playing "all Christmas Music," these radio stations must keep playing said music AT LEAST through Christmas day. Turning on the radio at 1pm on Christmas Day and hearing Elton John and Kee Kee Dee is heartbreaking! More acceptable would be to start the music later in the season and play it through the 12 days of Christmas. (That's January 5th). Now admittedly, I don't know if I would want to hear carols through the 5th, but then I'm not sure because we'd be starting it later!

Christmas decorations should be limited to inside the house until after the second football game on Thanksgiving day. This is similar to the first rule above. You are allowed to set up earlier, but please don't turn them on until after the Lions and Cowboys have played.

Christmas decorations can stay up and lit through the 12th day, but should be off thereafter. They should be completely removed from the outside of the house no later than Martin Luther King Day.

NOTE: This does not include decorations and music inside your house. What you do in there is completely up to you. Just be sure to shut the window if you're gonna sing like me. :-)

There....I feel better.

Parental Help Needed!

We are having a problem with our oldest son and I think I need some advice. All week he has been humming "The Victors." Truth be told, it's a catchy tune, but this is "Michigan Week" for OSU, so to have my firstborn humming the fight song of the "team up north" throughout the week is a bit unnerving. I'm at wits end! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Job Interview Tip

If you unfortunately have a cold at the time of interview, do not cough into both hands before or after you are introduced to those interviewing you. Doing so before will indeed pass germs. Doing so after being introduced will send those you've the just shaken hands with running into the bathroom for a surgical scrub-down. Actually, my four year old explained to me last night, you should cough into the inside of your elbow to keep from passing germs. Gotta love those wonderful preschool teachers!

Teach your children well

Yesterday, my son, Christopher, had his fall baseball tournament. The team had finished the regular season 4-2-1. Their two losses were against the green team which remained undefeated. So his team finished a solid second place. Not bad. Yesterday, we had the first tournament game and won, actually by forfeit. (But we loaned them a couple of players and played for fun and still won). As head coach, I've tried very hard to make this fun for the kids. Since we won the first game yesterday morning, at noon we had the championship game and had to face the dreaded green team, the Gators. (Side note: as an Ohio State fan it pains me to lose to any team by that name!). Anyhow, our boys did well against the Gators. They fought them hard, but despite my lighthearted demeanor and encouragement to the team, my son, was getting quite discouraged. Christopher, in typical first order nature, tends to demand much from himself. (This goes for in school too). He was getting upset that we were losing and on more than one occasion I reminded him that sports is supposed to fun! And if you lose, that's okay as long as you have fun! Sports, in my opinion, occupy too much of our lives as it is. He struggled some, but in the end, put on the sportsman's face, shook hands with the champs, and then happily accepted his second place trophy and "lovely parting gifts" from the team mom. I hope he learned a lesson.

Now, as I mentioned, I'm an OSU fan. One of the things Chris was looking forward to after the baseball games, was coming back and watching the game against Illinois. So we settled down for another OSU route at 3:30. Well, they started strong, taking two plays to score on their opening drive. Illinois, on their second play broke a running play for 70+ yards and two yards from the end zone proceeded to fumble the ball. The officials declared the runner down prior to the fumble. Well, replay showed this not to be true, and when Illinois snapped the ball before the officials blew a whistle to review the play, I was dumbfounded! But that's okay. OSU is a powerhouse, and Illinois is unrated. There was still 59 minutes to play and surely the Bucks would handle these folks like the others. By the fourth quarter however, Illinois was still up by a touchdown. Illinois had the ball on their own 20 with 8 minutes left, and proceeded to convert a 4th and inches, a 3rd and 7, a third and 11 and I don't know how many 3rd and 3s to run out the clock. All the while, I'm pacing, sighing, and snapping at my family while watching my team's national title hopes go down the drain. Somewhere in the midst of this, my lovely wife gently expressed her concern about my example. Hmmmm...well, by the end of it all, I had apologized and asked forgiveness to both my son and my wife. What is it they say about the apple not falling far from the tree? Boy, I've got some learnin' to do!

In hindsight it's kind of funny. I think my son may have learned the lesson but the question is whether I did or not.

One job not lost to technology

So lately, we've been letting our kids watch Wheel of Fortune with us. It seems slightly educational, so we allow it. Much has changed on this show, and I sometimes wonder if people even remember that it was originally hosted by Chuck Woolery. How about when Vanna turned the letters? Well, that was the method for a real long time too. Eventually that changed to Vanna lighting up the letters. Now, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but this seemed a little unnecessary to me. Surely you could automate the lights coming on or something. Well sure enough, they now have Toss Up puzzles where the lights of the letters come on quickly. I think Vanna starts these puzzles as well, but for the most part she just stands there waiting for the puzzle to end. I don't think she's really needed for the function of the show. Now, at first I felt sorry for her, but now I realize she's really lucky. They didn't completely automate her job. She still gets to do her letter thing. Hat's off to Merv Griffin Enterprises for not firing her. She must be adding something to the appeal of the show....I wonder what that could be?

Assessing God

As is typical for me, I latched on to 1 of the 3 points in my pastor's sermon. The overall theme was simply our tendency to put God in a box. As people we seem to "Box Him Up." We live by labels, definitions, categories, and suppositions. It's an interesting thing. The first point of the sermon was how God used a pagan king, Cyrus. God referred to him as a shepherd for His people and even called him the anointed one! This man was not Jewish, and his behaviors weren't exemplary, but he was used mightily by God for the benefit of Israel. Not what they expected, I'm sure.

While reading this morning, C.S. Lewis wrote that God sometimes uses non-Christians to speak to us. My reflex action was to think this not to be the case and for Lewis to be off-base. But now we have the example of a pagan king and a donkey (see Balaam) to think about. We judge and categorize and somehow think that we've got Him and His ways figured out. It's not a good place for us to go.

Christian Liberty - Question #3: Alcohol

I will have to say there are some very conservative folks where I live right now. It's very different from when I lived in the Northeast, especially on issues such as alcohol and gambling. Many of the churches here also expect their congregates to not drink any alcoholic beverages. I have to admit such rules are often needed, NOT because the actions by themselves are sinful, but they may ultimately lead to sin, or they may compromise the witness of the Christian or the larger Christian body in which the person is serving. I have been on short term mission trips where it was expected that we did not drink. This makes sense since it may become a stumbling point to people within the larger organization.

But can Christians drink alcoholic beverages? Why or why not?


A similar aside: Watching the news this morning, one of the smaller villages near Charlotte voted yesterday to approve adult beverages being served at local restaurants. (In 2002 they allowed grocery stores to sell them). When speaking to one of the opponents (to approving the sales), the person said, "I have never once heard of anyone saying that drinking has improved their personal or family lives." My initial thought was, "I haven't heard anyone say this about eating bacon either." I suppose I tipped my hand here, but the faulty argument bothered me.

Finish Well? Nah...

Among Christians, you may hear someone way, "I am hoping to finish well." I suppose that since I turned 40 this year, I've been thinking about this statement. I think it's a bit premature for me to be thinking about it but it's in my head regardless. Actually, since we really don't know how many days are in front of us, perhaps all Christians should be thinking about it. The statement in my opinion leaves me with a couple of implications I don't agree with though. One is that to me it implies that the person saying it has been doing well all along. I'm personally not going to make that implication, even if it were true. Also, the implication in my head is that of someone gracefully coasting towards the finish line. Now it is often said that this life isn't a sprint, but in saying that, it is still a "race" and runners shouldn't be coasting to the finish. That's the vision in my head. A runner walking towards the finish line, or perhaps someone slowly riding off into the sunset. Although the statement is meritorious I don't like the implication. Almost like I'm providing an adequate effort as opposed to an "all in/all out" effort. Running like there's no tomorrow is probably a better cliche in my book.

So how do you want to finish? Maybe one of the following would do for me:

Finish Strong!

Finish like I just got started!

Finish? My eternal perspective keeps me from thinking about that. There's still plenty to do!

The thought in my head now is that I talk a good game...better stop posting and get at it!