Soft-Serve Ice Cream

I need to say a few quick words about this. First, I love the stuff! I grew up on it and to paraphrase a previous pastor, if it weren't for soft-serve ice cream I wouldn't be half the man I am today. So with that, I have to appeal to anyone who has ever or will ever hold a cone underneath the nozzle of a soft-serve machine. This is no laughing matter because you hold the delight of the recipient in your hands. The purchase of a soft serve cone is a risk. The person on the other side of the counter is depending on you to deliver the full worth of their dollar and change. This is what we expect from an ice cream cone:

Very cold ice cream that can stand warm weather for the longest amount of time...we don't want to be rushed

A cone that is straight where the cream projects directly up from the shell. Top-heavy or tilted cones are a real drag as it too induces faster-than-desired eating.

And lastly, I do not know anyone who truly wants a smaller cone. The bigger the better. Of course, I have known some people who might say to their friends, "Oh I can't eat all of that!" or "Wow, this is too much," but really, do you believe her? And regardless, their date/husband/dad will be sure to come back again for precisely that same reason.

So with this in mind, let me give you some rules:

Hold the cone directly under the nozzle and if you're allowed, fill in the center using a slight "up/down" motion. Let the ice cream expand in diameter until it's slightly over the edge of the cone and then drop your hand briefly and bring back up again. It's like creating multiple "spare tires." (Heh! That's kind of appropriate!). This will allow the ice cream to center, have a lower center of gravity and greater density. Tilted cones like I said before are not a good thing. It induces the eater of said cone to increase pace of the whole ice cream eating experience.

If you have to do a circular motion, cause it looks pretty or it lessens the amount of ice cream by creating the "ice cream cave" well, then make the diameter bigger at the bottom! Failure to do so will cause the cone to either be top-heavy, or even worse, smaller! Making the diameter as big as possible will help make up for the lost cream in the middle due to the cave. You and I both know that when we entered into the business deal, we did not wish to purchase the air in the middle of the cone!

Be sure the ice cream can withstand the outside temperature for a decent length of time. You do not want the purchaser to have to rush and you also need to be sure that the cone is as tall and as heavy as physics will allow. If it is too soft, well, alert the purchaser that it's soft, and ask him if he wants the cone upside down in a cup. This way, you will not need to skimp on the cream.

Lastly, if you haven't noticed, make quantity your number one goal! Never skimp. Their is nothing more frustrating than buying a treat and getting some wimpy excuse for an ice cream. If you see the recipients face drop when you turn to hand it to him, perhaps, you should take the cone back, request their patience while you try again. Tell them you're new at it and they will be more than happy to wait until you can create a towering cone that would make every one but your manager proud.

My apologies for the length of this post, but certain subjects cannot be lightly addressed. They need to be handled with their just due.