Pair o' Dime Props: Those with Imperfect Attendance

Well, folks, it's that time of year again. Over the past few weeks, schools have been letting out for the summer and many have graduated. Awards ceremonies have taken place and some have received, in my sons' principal's words, "The most coveted award in school." That's right, the perfect attendance award. News stories in print, radio and television laud the ones who have 12 years of perfect attendance and some have even accomplished perfect attendance and no tardies! Wow!

But this post isn't about them. They got their recognition. This post is about those who didn't get it. Yes, the rest of us! Congratulations on not going to school everyday. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of education. Why, I spent 7 years in undergraduate school alone, (insert rim shot here), and an additional 2 years in grad school. I love school so much I got an education degree and currently work at a university. I'm a big fan of school and I highly recommend it. However I do remember bouts of tonsillitis, colds, sinus infections and one time even encephalitis that kept me from attending every minute of my courses. I survived and even graduated!

I raise a glass to you, imperfect attenders! For those of you who when you felt bad, took that as a sign you should lay low and recover. You knew that if you were sick, you should stay home and watch The Price is Right. (Or for you young folks out there, Sportscenter for four hours straight). Props go to your parents also! Your parents read the school's student handbook and complied with the part that said, "If your child has had a fever in the past 24 hours, he or she should not come to school." By doing this, you no doubt helped others stay well by not spreading your sickness to them. Because of this, you have a better understanding of following rules. That was very considerate of you and your parents. Perhaps even your folks let you go on vacation during the school year because they were confident you could make up the work and still do well. You also have a better understanding of what "real life" is about. As you get older, you're going to have sick days. Your coworkers will thank you for staying home and not getting them sick. As age sets in, you will need to take mental health days too. You know now that missing school, or work, isn't some sort of tragic occurrence. As a matter of fact, those days of missing school or work will lessen the likelihood of burnout. I contest that you graduates are more prepared to understand life as an adult! So, a tip of the cap to you, imperfect attenders! The world awaits you...when you're healthy and not on vacation.

DISCLAIMER: Pair o' Dime Shift is not in any way encouraging or condoning truancy in our children, nor does it accept any responsibility for any increase in a child's absences due to the legion of kids who read this blog. A good education is extremely valuable and every subject is pertinent to obtaining all of your necessary life skills. The author of Pair o' Dime Shift would not be nearly as intelligent as he is if it weren't for that introduction to film class he took in 1987. How does one survive without understanding the intricate philosophical undertones that come with the viewing of Last Year at Marienbad?If at all possible, children should be in school learning everything they can about every subject. Bottom line: KIDS, STAY IN SCHOOL!!!

Contagiousness

This past week, I began reading The Tipping Point, by Malcom Gladwell. This book, is subtitled, "How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference." In the introduction, Gladwell discusses, contagiousness, but he wants us to look at it in a different light than just things like Swine Flu. I think we've become better at this. We now say someone may have a contagious laugh or attitude. It's a positive thing. Now, I'm not going to go all cerebral on you here, because even though the point in the excerpt below is well made, I couldn't help but laugh while reading it. See if you find humor in it...or perhaps it may just make you sleepy....

A world that follows the rules of epidemics is a very different place from the world we think we live in now. Think, for a moment, about the concept of contagiousness. If I say that word to you, you think of colds and the flu or perhaps something very dangerous like H.I.V. or Ebola. We have, in our minds, a very specific, biological, notion of what contagiousness means. But if there can be epidemics of crime or epidemics of fashion, there must be all kinds of things just as contagious as viruses. Have you ever thought about yawning, for instance? Yawning is a surprisingly powerful act. Just by reading the two yawns in the previous two sentences--and the two additional yawns in this sentence--a good number of you will probably yawn within the next few minutes. Even as I'm writing this I've yawned twice. If you're reading this in a public place, and you've just yawned, chances are that a good proportion of everyone who saw you yawn is now yawning too, and a good proportion of the people watching the people who watched you yawn are now yawning as well, and on and on, in a ever-widening, yawning circle.

Yawning is incredibly contagious. I made some of you reading this yawn simply by writing the word "yawn". The people who yawned when they saw you yawn, meanwhile, were infected by the sight of you yawning--which is a second kind of contagion. They might even have yawned if they only heard you yawn, because yawning is also aurally contagious: if you play an audio-tape of a yawn to blind people, they'll yawn too. And finally, if you yawned as you read this, did the thought cross your mind--however unconsciously and fleetingly--that you might be tired? I suspect that for some of you it did, which means that yawns can also be emotionally contagious. Simply by writing the word, I can plant a feeling in your mind. Can the flu virus do that? Contagiousness, in other words, is an unexpected property of all kinds of things, and we have to remember that if we are to recognize and diagnose epidemic change.

OK, maybe it's not that funny. As a matter of fact, I'm bushed. Goodnight.

Mountains and Valleys

While reading this morning, I came across these words by Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest: "If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want." (May 1)

This got me thinking. I LOVE those mountaintop experiences! I had one that lasted a while in the fall of '07. (Ironically because I was reading of all books, Ecclesiastes). I'm ready for another one soon! Actually the sooner the better. Of course the analogy goes one step further when it comes to human nature. If all of life was a mountaintop experiences we would feel as if we were on a plateau. But back to the point that Chambers makes above. The Joy we get from these experiences are a great source of fuel and encouragement but they should not be our goal.

Like I mentioned above, these experiences cannot last forever, so what is it that we should make of the valley experiences? Well, here are a few passages regarding this:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
-James 1:2-5

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
-Hebrews 12:11

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
-1 Peter 1:6-7

So clearly, the valley is well worth it. The mountaintop experience as well as our desire to persevere fuels us for these occasions. What is interesting though is when I see my son struggling with something I feel the pain he is feeling. He is my boy and I dread that he has to go through it.

1. There are times when he is struggling and it's because he needs to learn something. I have to use every ounce of my energy to keep from intervening when he's frustrated. I have to wait for him to figure it out because once he does, he will be all the better for it.
   
2. There are other times when he if going through something and I know that he will be unable to do by himself. His pride often keeps him from asking for help, but I'm waiting...I want him to ask me. I am pleased when he does and very happy to help him figure it out. I also love the "thank you" I receive afterward.
3. Of course there are times when it is completely out of his control to even get close to getting through it without me. When this occurs, he leans on me completely, and I have the opportunity to lovingly push him through the struggle.
   

So I say all of this to ask/extrapolate the following. Does God feel similar to the way I feel when my boys work through an issue? Does he have compassion and sadness while he allows the issue to continue while I work through what I'm learning? Does he patiently wait for my appeal to him when I need his help? And does he lovingly intervene in the times when it is impossible for me to do it on my own? (I suspect he intervenes many times without me even realizing it). Watching my kids work through something provides me with the opportunity to help, to show love and to feel a sense of joy and encouragement when they take the right actions to overcome the trial. Is it possible that my valleys somehow encourage God when I work through them while leaning on him? It's almost like a spiritual give and take if it's true. The mountaintops encourage me and the valleys, perhaps encourage him.

Despised

I believe last year at this time I was also thinking about Isaiah 53. What a wonderful chapter it is! I find great encouragement in the words that were written prior to the Sacrifice that our Lord made for us on the cross. Today we remember that day.

I consider the following:

• Jesus, in the Garden with the weight of the following day on his heart and mind. He had such dread of the following day he asked the Father if there was another way.
  
• His closest friends in their weakness sleeping while he laments the pain and burden forthcoming. Imagine how alone he must have felt!
• A disciple kissing him, as a sign of complete betrayal, greed and evil.
  
• Another disciple, who Jesus himself said he would build his church on, denying he even knew Jesus...three times.
  
• The mockery, the hate, the thorns, the cursing, laughing, striking, spitting, nailing, hanging and piercing...

I can't truly imagine it completely. But it was done. And it was done by people like you and me. And he suffered it for people like you and me.

Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him.

He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

-Isaiah 53 (The Message)

Pair o' Dime Props: Jackie Andrade

A couple of weeks ago I was in a Faculty Council meeting here at the university. The agenda for this meeting included a briefing from the Chancellor, the Provost as well as the President of the Faculty. Since I am administrative staff, I am considered a guest of the meeting and I sit in the very back; sort of like a second class citizen. Well, as is often the case with these things, they tend to go on for some time. So I was back there with my paper, drawing away. Loops, boxes, faces, sometimes even the back of someone's head. It looks terrible, but it's what I do. Finally, one of my associates leaned over and whispered, "What is this, Art 101?" As for the quality of my drawing, I think she gave me too much credit, but more importantly, she caught me doodling. Immediately, I had that same wave of shame come over me that has happened times before. I remember being in church about 10 years ago, when during the message, my bible study leader who was a row in front of me looked back at me while I was busy illustrating and scowled. Seriously, I felt like I was about 7. I shamefully covered my sketches and tried to focus on the pastor. However, sitting still staring at a speaker doesn't help me very much. What a slacker I was!

So here's my confession: I doodle. Yes, I use an actual pen and paper and draw nonsensical shapes, and scribbles. If I'm daring I may try to draw someone's face. I tend to cover up what I'm doing when I can, but I'm frequently found out. You can sometimes make daydreaming look like you're listening, but it's hard to keep doodling a secret.

Well about a week ago, I was in a meeting again with the same associate mentioned above. This time I was asking her questions and essentially writing down my action items from the meeting. At the end I looked at my notes, which could be found with asterisks, arrows, and other meaningless scribbles and laughed. I showed her the page and mentioned the "Art 101" statement she had made before. She went on to tell me that she had read an article talking about how doodling isn't really a bad thing. She didn't remember the reference so I went and did a doodle google. (Yeah, I know…I couldn't resist). Here is a sample of what I had found. Thanks to the research of Jackie Andrade, it appears by doodling, one is able to retain more information than those who look like they're listening! All of this time, people were looking down their nose at me thinking, "How pathetic! A grown man can't even pay attention," while I was busy retaining the information they were missing while scoffing at me! Ha! I believe I may have to carry around a few copies of the actual abstract of the article so that I can pass them out to anyone who judges my scribblings as juvenile!

So thank you Dr. Andrade, for vindicating my years of drawing while listening.

NOTE: The doodle above is not mine but belongs to a friend who is quite the sketcher! If you click on the picture, you can see some much more impressive drawings.

Also, here is a link regarding this from Morning Edition as well.

Speaking of Hypocrisy

Since I just recently posted on hypocrisy, I just had to bring an observation from my drive in to work this morning. I try not to be overtly negative in my posts, but this morning I can't help myself. While traveling in to work this morning, A Ford Focus chose to make a U-turn and cut me and one other driver off on a large highway. The back of the car had a specialized "FP" license plate. (Meaning the owner paid extra money for the plate in support of the Fraternal Order of Police and are an active member of this organization). They also had a bumper sticker that said, "Have You Thanked a Police Officer Today?" So, after cutting us off, I couldn't help but notice as I drove in the lane next to the driver she had a cell phone in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. In case you're wondering, North Carolina does indeed have a cell phone law where you must use a hands free device while driving. Ha! Interesting. Well, it get's a little "better." Just before turning into the university, I watched as this driver, while still talking on the phone, flicked her cigarette butt out the window! Amazing! She obviously doesn't think cigarette butts are litter too. Hmmmm. Cutting off drivers traveling at high speeds while talking without a "hands free" on her cell phone and later throwing litter out the window. Too bad there wasn't a police officer nearby. I'm sure if she were cited, she would have thanked him for it.

The best I could do is grab the license plate and fill out this form. She'll get a letter asking her to stop.

There! It was finally said

Yesterday in church, our executive pastor spoke. I love when he has the opportunity to speak because he is very good at making himself and the congregation vulnerable. Meaning he is willing to show us some of his issues as well as some of ours. Well yesterday in passing he mentioned that those who do not go to church look at us as irrelevant, irreverent, and hypocritical. Okay, I think all Christians have heard this before, especially that last term, right? After a pause, he went on to basically say they’re right. Here’s the thing. For as long as I have known, people have said they won’t go to church because it’s full of a bunch of hypocrites. And for years, I or someone else has either provided a defenseless shrug at that statement or have gotten defensive that this was even suggested!

Hypocrisy (n.) – the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.

But Christians, isn’t this true? Don’t we proclaim the Christian faith and live to reflect Christ and obey our God? Absolutely! So, with that in mind, who among our faith can claim that our thoughts and behavior wholly conform to what it is we proclaim to live by? I think we have stumbled upon our own hypocrisy. When my pastor, Mark, said this yesterday, it was good to hear. I am now asking myself how I should respond when those who don’t go to church say they don’t go because of me. I suppose I shouldn’t just shyly smile and hope they come around anyhow. I definitely shouldn’t get defensive; that hints at arrogance or at least denial. Perhaps I should let them know they are right in that assessment. I should tell them I go to church because I don’t have it figured out yet and neither do the other folks in attendance. That we are trying, and sometimes struggling, to follow the faith we proclaim. But by going I learn more about the God I serve and find great encouragement from the others there knowing that we’re growing together and that with God’s help becoming less and less of a hypocrite as we continue.

Narnia: I Love This Dialogue!

I'm over 40 years old and I'm finally reading The Chronicles of Narnia. I finished Prince Caspian last night (which means I can see the movie now), and this is by far my favorite quote/exchange. Those who know the allegorical aspects of the book will appreciate the following:

"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

As I continue to grow in the faith, I see how much "bigger" God is. We can't box him in, or understand his mind at this time. The good news is that I get to spend eternity growing in this aspect.

Dual Relationships

A relatively verbatim transcript of last night's dinner conversation...
-------------
Dad: Hey Chris, you know my friend Tim?
Chris: (Puzzled look) Who?
Dad: You know, Tim and Sandee, in Germany?
Chris: Oh, yeah!
Dad: Well he is sort of like the principal of the school where he works, (actually he's more like a superintendent but I'm talking to an 8 year old here). But, he also teaches a class in the high school. And do you know who's in his class now?
Chris: Who?
Dad: His own son!
Chris: (Really puzzled look! Like this is abnormal)
...
Dad: Hey Chris, what would you think if I was your teacher?
(At this point, Chris attempts to evade the question and somehow redirects the conversation. Perhaps on purpose?)
Mom: (smiling...or rather smirking) Daddy, I don't think Chris answered your question.
Dad: I think you're right. Chris, how would you feel if daddy was your teacher?
Chris: (Mentally processing....clearly looking for the most politically acceptable response. This "transcriber" believes he's looking for the answer that won't offend dad.)
Chris: Weird.
(Laughter)
Dad: (With a smile) Weird?
Chris: Yeah, but, well, weird could mean two different things. Like, when I say "weird" I sort of mean "nasty." But sometimes I say "weird" like when something is "cool!" (Side note: Dad needs to work on getting Chris to stop saying "like" so much).
Mom: So weird could mean "nasty" or "cool?"
Chris: Yeah
Mom: So if dad was your teacher, that would be cool then?
Chris: No.
(More laughter, including dad who now redirects the question to his 6 year old.
Dad: Hey Andrew, how would you like it if dad was your teacher in school?
Andrew: I think I would want to snuggle with him!
(Smiles)
Dad: You would, huh?
Andrew: Yeah, and I would want to be the teacher too!
Dad: Hey Andrew, how would you like some dessert? Chris, it's time for bed.
-------------

OK, that last line isn't true. :-)

It amazes me though that an 8 year old can already recognize the complexities of dual relationships. This conversation was definitely worth some laughs.

Resolutions...not

I have made one successful New Years resolution in my life. About three years ago, I resolved not to make any New Years resolutions. This is one could be in jeopardy, but I have determined that there is a better word than resolution. Perhaps we should call them goals or targets. This is better because if you miss the target, you just keep trying. With resolutions, you do things like resolve not to overeat. This is a common one and usually works pretty well by midday on January 1st when you've sat down with your Bowl Party snack. At this point you decide you've blown it and get up for your fourth plateful of chips. The only good that comes out of that is that the pressure is then off.

I hear of people who take the end of the year to reflect and take inventory and then plan for the upcoming year. After 40 years, I figured I'd give that a shot. (I've always been a little late to the dance). This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some goals I have for the upcoming year.

In 2009 I intend to

• intentionally "carve out" time specifically for my wife and me.
• continue spending an hour or so every morning reading scripture, praying and drinking coffee. :-)
• read the following books: Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands (P. David Tripp), The Reason for God (Timothy Keller), Surprised by Hope (N.T. Wright), Don't Waste Your Life (John Piper), The Chronicles of Narnia (Books 1 & 2 were finished on New Years eve and day...5 more to go), The Edge of the Tidal Pools (Michele Phoenix).
• take at least one class at Reformed Theological Seminary.
• continue to go to the gym 2 to 4 times a week.
• eat after 7pm only one time per week. (I'm not doing too well int his area so far :-) )
  

I suppose there's more, but hey, when someone who reads this asks me in December how I did, I don't want them to see ALL of my missed targets. :-)

It's not that easy being green

(I don't know if that's a good post title or not, but Kermie did a great job of singing it years ago)

This morning while driving to work I heard this story on The Market Place Morning Report. Now before you go reading or listening to the whole thing, let me recap what's sticking in my mind. Remember all of those plastic bottles you throw into recycling bins? You know, the ones that make you feel just a little better about the fact that they are going to somehow be used again. Well, these bottles often get shipped to China and South America to be processed and then shipped back! The person in the story says it's cheaper this way. Well, good thing shipping plastic across the world and back doesn't cause unneeded burning of greenhouse gasses and polluting of our environment. Otherwise, it wouldn't seem like an environmentally friendly thing to do.

Oh well, there goes any potential resolution of me not being cynical this year. :-)

Pair o' Dime Props: Joyce Theis

As a kid, typically a group of friends seem to congregate at one house. This was the case for me and the house I spent a good portion of my high school and college years belonged to John and Joyce Theis. Their house was awesome! A nice stereo in the basement as well as a pool table, dart board, board games and a piano. It was a "party basement." My buddy Jim and his brother Bill had a few parties there too. It seemed that every day after school, we'd head over to Jim's house and shoot pool and listen to Rush, Styx, Boston or Jethro Tull. They'd even let me put on The Kinks from time to time. But this post really isn't about that. It's about the fact that when you spend a lot of time with a good childhood friend at his house, you become extended family. I found myself often calling Jim's folks mom and dad.

"Mom Theis" was a sweetheart! The mom of three of her own kids and adopted as a mom by others, she always seemed to have a nice smile for you. If you were lucky she'd even greet you with a kiss. Despite spending most of the time in the basement playing pool, I have some fond memories of Mrs. Theis. Twenty-five years ago I went to Christmas Eve service with the Theis family. It was the first time I ever took communion. She was kneeling next to me at the altar of their Lutheran church and I remember her uttering "Amen" as she received the elements. Mrs. Theis was completely deaf in one ear and had about 10% hearing in the other one. In church she sang out with gusto and you knew it sounded perfect to her heavenly father. Soon after this, Mr. and Mrs. Theis taught me and Jim how to play bridge and I had the privilege of spending many evenings playing cards with them. Mrs. Theis was from Georgia and had that wonderful Georgia drawl. She would occasionally say with the accent, "That makes me madder than a wet hen!" For some reason, I absolutely loved hearing her say that.

About six or seven years ago, Mrs. Theis was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Knowing the gravity of that particular form of cancer I know many of her friends were praying for Mrs. Theis. She was about 72 or 73 when she was diagnosed and that made things even more concerning. Thankfully, God gave those around her another six or seven years to enjoy her company until she passed away this past Friday. I've been told she was ready, willing and waiting, so the sadness is for those who knew her. I'll miss her smile, her greeting, her beef stew and her apple cake. She's a wonderful lady who can now can take deep breaths, hear everything around her and still sing with gusto. I hadn't seen Mrs. Theis for a few years, but I will still miss her. I will make her apple cake later this week and will think about her during Christmas when I have communion.

Choosing a Consulting Firm

A few weeks ago I was asked to review over 900 pages of proposals from 9 consulting firms. As you may expect this was quite a delightful way to spend a week at work and at home. After much reading, skimming, meeting and discussing, the group responsible for determining which vendors to bring in for presentations came to a decision to bring in three firms for two hours a piece. All three presentations were today and thanks to my friend, the coffee bean, I made it through all three and retained consciousness. But now, after all this time, a decision must be made. Here are the "highlights" from today's meetings:

Consulting Firm A
This firm brought six people for the presentation. All but one of them was younger than me, (and I'm not that old). They all wore dark suits, used the cliché "Think outside the box" once and twice told us that they didn't want to just provide us a binder of findings as the final deliverable and it be put on the shelf. They wanted to be sure we found value in implementing what was in the binder. One person told one semi-funny joke twice and they provided one color 17"x11" color handout while we listened to a two hour Powerpoint presentation.

Consulting Firm B
This firm had two people considerably older than me. One person spoke the whole time, right after lunch and before my second round of coffee. No jokes were told and they also told us twice that they didn't want to deliver a binder that just gathered dust on a shelf. They wanted to be sure we found value in implementing what was in the binder. They provided a nice color folder/brochure and a printout of their Powerpoint presentation. They put six slides on a page, twelve total on both sides. You had to squint to read the slides on the page and there really wasn't room for notes. The speaker spoke for exactly two hours and no jokes were told. My eyes stayed open but not by much.

Consulting Firm C
This firm brought four people including the owner. They were all older than me by some degree. They did not tell us anything about binders or thinking outside the box. They provided a nice folder of information and a printout of the PowerPoint slides. Two slides on one side of the paper providing plenty of room to write. They had about one third the amount of slides that the other firms had. All four people spoke and they had plenty of energy which matched my alertness thanks to round two of my coffee. I do not remember any jokes but I do remember laughing on multiple occasions. Most importantly, they ended their presenation 20 minutes early.

Naturally and for strictly professional and pertinent reasons, my vote is for Firm C, hands down.

(Please note: If you find this post boring, I'm sorry. Just be thankful youdidn't have to sit through what I had to sit through today :-) )

NCAA Football is in upheaval

In the past, I have offered up that sports are challenging my faith, but now I realize that something bigger is happening. Consider the following anomalies in college football. These facts will make your head spin and make you question if all is right in the universe:

• Notre Dame continues to lose and will not go to a bowl game for the second year in a row.
• Michigan has their first nine loss season in the school's history. They finished the season losing to Ohio State 42-7. (This one doesn't keep me up at night)
• Jim Tressel called for a fake punt against Illinois while OSU was leading by 21 with less than 10 minutes left to play. This may not seem like a big deal, but anyone who knows Jim Tressel, knows his conservative in coaching is second only to his conservatism in wardrobe. He's the kind of guy who would stop at 42 against Michigan when it could have been 56.
• The University of Cincinnati will be going to a BCS bowl game. Let me say that again. The University of Cincinnati will be going to a BCS game! The final four, yes; but a BCS bowl!?!
  

But the largest piece of evidence that College Football is in upheaval is this:

• Florida State has produced a Rhodes Scholar! Yeah, you think all that other stuff is crazy. Myron Rolle, a safety for the 'Noles, is a Rhodes Scholar. The guy wants to be a neurosurgeon and now has the opportunity to study in Oxford. Unbelievable. I don't know what shocks me more; the fact that this guy would go to FSU, or the fact that Bobby Bowden would even consider recruiting someone who would put their studies before football. A fluke indeed, but regardless - hats off to Mr. Rolle.
  

The times, they are a changin'. I should have known when OSU recruited the top quarterback in the nation. My world is being rocked.

GPS Shortcomings

Last Mother's day I gave the Mrs. a Garmin. It's great! I love the maps and it's fairly efficient in giving me directions to where I need to go. I love the technology too. It's like watching yourself on a map while you're driving. However, I do have a few suggestions for improvement.

Let's talk about the voice. Our's is pretty neat since you can give it an English or Australian accent. Or, if you're ambitious and bilingual, you could actually program it to give you directions in your second language. Honestly, though, after a while, you want something a little different. Perhaps some additional dialects could be added into the device. Take for instance some northeastern accents. We lived in Northern New Jersey prior to moving down here and nothing would be cooler than hearing a nice Jersey accent with the appropriate attitude while driving. The female voice even talk like she has a big piece of gum in her mouth or something. And to have the male voice, say something like "Hey! You missed the turn! Sheesh! Hold on while I recalculate..." Of course, I would wonder whether someone from New Jersey would be able to tell you to turn left at a major intersection. (If you don't get that joke, then you probably don't know what a jughandle intersection is either. :-) )

Now that I live in Charlotte, I think it would be great to have some southern accents as well. "Where do you want to go today sweetheart?" Or "Oops, well bless your heart, you just missed that last turn. Hold on honey while I recalculate that for you." It could even call me "sir" at the appropriate times - now who wouldn't like that? Or how about a little more familiarity in tone? "You want to go where? Oh, now you can't get there from here. You wanna head on down to the post office and then turn left right after the Bojangles..."

Of course the sky's the limit with this. A london cockney accent or a nice thick Yorkshire dialect. You name it, it shouldn't be that hard to add these.

But here's what I really want when it comes to the Garmin. I want the following dialogue:

"Turn left in .2 miles"
(No turn)
"Recalculating..."
"Make U-turn in 400 feet"
"Recalculating.....again...."
"Please turn right onto Main St."
(Volume increases)"Please adjust the volume on your GPS while I recalculate again"
"Please turn right onto 2nd street"
"Um, hello? Are you even paying attention to me? Let me recalculate again"
"Turn right onto 3rd Street"
"Do you even want my help! Why did you even buy me if you're not going to listen to my recommendations"
"Turn right on 6th Street"
"OK, now you're really lost....you are so clueless!!!!! Recalculating...."
"Arrive at Destination on left?!?! Wow! I never thought of going this way. I take back everything I said. Please accept my apologies. I bow to the one with superior directional knowledge. Let me file this route away so I won't suggest you go that long way again."


Now THAT would be cool.