Father's Day Thoughts

Disclaimer: Personally I try to refrain from being overly sentimental or "mushy" on this blog. This entry fails miserably in this area. If you're looking for humor, especially in the form of sarcasm, you might want to check back on another day.

Father's Day is an interesting time for me. Frankly, my dad was pretty much absent for most of my life. My folks divorced when I was still in preschool. I tell people who ask, that when he divorced my mom, he divorced me as well. Of course our divorce took longer. By the time I was 13, dad didn't really engage in my life. I'd see him at Christmas up until he moved to Florida after my senior year of High School. When he came back a few years later, it was even less frequent. Frankly, this stunk. I'm a pretty affectionate and emotional guy, especially now, and I find myself having to forgive my dad time and time again. The last time I remember my dad telling me he loved me, was the third day of my third year of college. It was right after he told me that he didn't have the money to pay for the school term I had just started. Him saying it then brought attention to the fact that he didn't say it at other times. I always wondered how much he meant it. Dad chose not to participate at a young age and as I got older, I probably didn't make much of an effort either. In 1992, he declined to come to my wedding. His widow doesn't remember why he made this decision. Dad died in 1997. I still love him and wish I could sit down and talk to him about things.

So, with Father's day on us, I ruminate. I think about these things. This isn't to say that all my time with my dad was bad. Actually the time I had with him was good...it just wasn't much time. When Tina and I were dating and both of us knew where things were going, she said one of the nicest things she has ever said to me. She said, "If we ever get married, I hope I can give you a son, so that you can do everything with him that you didn't have the opportunity to do with your dad." It was such a wonderful thing to hear and think about. The thought about having the opportunity to spend time with a son and love, guide, coach, and father him gave me hope and anticipation for healing in the future. Those words were forever engraved in my heart and mind.

I also think about the surrogate fathers from my past. These were guys in my past who in one way or another showed me many flavors of fatherhood. Most of them cared for me even though I didn't belong to them. Other's modeled fatherhood for me. I care a lot about them and today I think about them as well.

Presently, I'm in the middle of it all. I've had seventeen years of marriage and our two kids keep us active, stressed, and sometimes frazzled. Sometimes, it's hard to step back and think about what the family means to me or where we even are in this current stage of life. It occurred to me earlier today that our oldest child is halfway through his childhood. In nine years, he will likely be off to college with his brother joining him three years later. I don't think about this too often. Not because of any reason other than life is busy. Yesterday was busy as well. I spent more hours than I wish to admit working in the yard. It was hot and it took me the rest of the day to cool off. I was exhausted. After dinner, I was laying around the house and the boys were outside in the heat again! They haven't realized yet that you're not supposed to willingly go out in 90 degree heat. I guess that comes with age. Tina had joined them as well. I was alone inside where it was nice and cool. I had absolutely no desire to go out in the heat. I was spent. I got up and went over to our window to see what they were up to. My wife was working on setting up our grill on our new patio, and there was my oldest, Chris, pitching whiffle balls to Andrew. I saw smiles through the sweat and I felt something like a dawning on my heart. "Here it is," I thought. I was reminded of my incredible wife and her precious words before we were married, "I hope I can give you a son." And in my head I responded "There's two! God gave me a wonderful wife who in turn gave me two boys!" I quietly walked a little closer and sneaked out on the patio to watch Chris throw to his brother.
Andrew spots me, and asks as he has many times before, "Dad, can you pitch to us?" It's hot, humid, and miserable.
I respond, "I just want to watch for now." Chris throws to his brother again, as I continue to savor the moment. They were not going to let these last few minutes before bedtime slip away. After thinking about this site a moment or two more, I asked myself, "How could I pass up the opportunity to do with them what I had always wanted?" A moment longer I call out to the boys, "Just a minute. Let me get my shoes on." It was a day early, but it was already the best Father's Day I've ever had.

Pair o' Dime Props: Those with Imperfect Attendance

Well, folks, it's that time of year again. Over the past few weeks, schools have been letting out for the summer and many have graduated. Awards ceremonies have taken place and some have received, in my sons' principal's words, "The most coveted award in school." That's right, the perfect attendance award. News stories in print, radio and television laud the ones who have 12 years of perfect attendance and some have even accomplished perfect attendance and no tardies! Wow!

But this post isn't about them. They got their recognition. This post is about those who didn't get it. Yes, the rest of us! Congratulations on not going to school everyday. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of education. Why, I spent 7 years in undergraduate school alone, (insert rim shot here), and an additional 2 years in grad school. I love school so much I got an education degree and currently work at a university. I'm a big fan of school and I highly recommend it. However I do remember bouts of tonsillitis, colds, sinus infections and one time even encephalitis that kept me from attending every minute of my courses. I survived and even graduated!

I raise a glass to you, imperfect attenders! For those of you who when you felt bad, took that as a sign you should lay low and recover. You knew that if you were sick, you should stay home and watch The Price is Right. (Or for you young folks out there, Sportscenter for four hours straight). Props go to your parents also! Your parents read the school's student handbook and complied with the part that said, "If your child has had a fever in the past 24 hours, he or she should not come to school." By doing this, you no doubt helped others stay well by not spreading your sickness to them. Because of this, you have a better understanding of following rules. That was very considerate of you and your parents. Perhaps even your folks let you go on vacation during the school year because they were confident you could make up the work and still do well. You also have a better understanding of what "real life" is about. As you get older, you're going to have sick days. Your coworkers will thank you for staying home and not getting them sick. As age sets in, you will need to take mental health days too. You know now that missing school, or work, isn't some sort of tragic occurrence. As a matter of fact, those days of missing school or work will lessen the likelihood of burnout. I contest that you graduates are more prepared to understand life as an adult! So, a tip of the cap to you, imperfect attenders! The world awaits you...when you're healthy and not on vacation.

DISCLAIMER: Pair o' Dime Shift is not in any way encouraging or condoning truancy in our children, nor does it accept any responsibility for any increase in a child's absences due to the legion of kids who read this blog. A good education is extremely valuable and every subject is pertinent to obtaining all of your necessary life skills. The author of Pair o' Dime Shift would not be nearly as intelligent as he is if it weren't for that introduction to film class he took in 1987. How does one survive without understanding the intricate philosophical undertones that come with the viewing of Last Year at Marienbad?If at all possible, children should be in school learning everything they can about every subject. Bottom line: KIDS, STAY IN SCHOOL!!!