Tuesday, November 11, 2008

GPS Shortcomings

Last Mother's day I gave the Mrs. a Garmin. It's great! I love the maps and it's fairly efficient in giving me directions to where I need to go. I love the technology too. It's like watching yourself on a map while you're driving. However, I do have a few suggestions for improvement.

Let's talk about the voice. Our's is pretty neat since you can give it an English or Australian accent. Or, if you're ambitious and bilingual, you could actually program it to give you directions in your second language. Honestly, though, after a while, you want something a little different. Perhaps some additional dialects could be added into the device. Take for instance some northeastern accents. We lived in Northern New Jersey prior to moving down here and nothing would be cooler than hearing a nice Jersey accent with the appropriate attitude while driving. The female voice even talk like she has a big piece of gum in her mouth or something. And to have the male voice, say something like "Hey! You missed the turn! Sheesh! Hold on while I recalculate..." Of course, I would wonder whether someone from New Jersey would be able to tell you to turn left at a major intersection. (If you don't get that joke, then you probably don't know what a jughandle intersection is either. :-) )

Now that I live in Charlotte, I think it would be great to have some southern accents as well. "Where do you want to go today sweetheart?" Or "Oops, well bless your heart, you just missed that last turn. Hold on honey while I recalculate that for you." It could even call me "sir" at the appropriate times - now who wouldn't like that? Or how about a little more familiarity in tone? "You want to go where? Oh, now you can't get there from here. You wanna head on down to the post office and then turn left right after the Bojangles..."

Of course the sky's the limit with this. A london cockney accent or a nice thick Yorkshire dialect. You name it, it shouldn't be that hard to add these.

But here's what I really want when it comes to the Garmin. I want the following dialogue:

"Turn left in .2 miles"
(No turn)
"Recalculating..."
"Make U-turn in 400 feet"
"Recalculating.....again...."
"Please turn right onto Main St."
(Volume increases)"Please adjust the volume on your GPS while I recalculate again"
"Please turn right onto 2nd street"
"Um, hello? Are you even paying attention to me? Let me recalculate again"
"Turn right onto 3rd Street"
"Do you even want my help! Why did you even buy me if you're not going to listen to my recommendations"
"Turn right on 6th Street"
"OK, now you're really lost....you are so clueless!!!!! Recalculating...."
"Arrive at Destination on left?!?! Wow! I never thought of going this way. I take back everything I said. Please accept my apologies. I bow to the one with superior directional knowledge. Let me file this route away so I won't suggest you go that long way again."


Now THAT would be cool.

3 comments:

Dave said...

Sounds like you're getting a lot of use out of your gift.

Starling said...

Hehe! I love how you've managed to convey the appropriate level of irritation in each dialect. Our Magellan gets equally angry at us - we finally had to turn the voice off. Now, it just mutters to itself and plans our eventual demise by driving us into water somewhere.

Unknown said...

Yes, Dave. I get a lot of use out of it. It tells me which way to go and I go a different way. Eventually, it's REALLY going to tell me where to go.

Thanks for the comment starling. I could have gone on about other dialects, but the post was getting too long as it was. :-)